the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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