is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
