I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Two words: blizzard sex
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
