I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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