I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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