dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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