Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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