you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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