I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
