Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
