P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
it's great music for shaving your balls
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
