I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
