Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
