i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
