That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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