Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
