bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
