I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
