My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
