Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
