Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
false alarm, still single
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
