There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
