ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
babies were throwing up all over the place
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
