I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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