I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
