so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
