i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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