no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
