My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
