sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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