I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
