My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
