If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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