I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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