just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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