I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
