I want to have your abortion
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
