I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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