How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
you never un-have a 4some
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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