I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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