im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
