yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
