I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
