hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
