JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We need to rekindle our bromance
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
