I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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