So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
