The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
