Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
