Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
