4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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