you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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