he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
